5 Reasons Why Family Connection Is Important
I’m often asked why I focus so much on the "small stuff" of family life—the 30-second hugs, the carpool prayers, and the intentional texts to kids across the country.
The truth is, those small moments aren’t just "nice to have." They are the building blocks of a long, healthy, and meaningful life. Recently, I’ve been diving into a fascinating book called The Good Life by Robert Waldinger, MD, and Marc Schulz, PhD. It details the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study on happiness ever conducted (over 80 years!).
The findings are revolutionary for anyone who cares about family. Here are my five favorite reasons why family connection is so important, backed by both ancient faith and modern science.
1. It’s a Biological Necessity for Your Health and Longevity
According to the Harvard Study, the quality of our relationships is the single most powerful predictor of our physical health as we age. In fact, people who are more socially connected to family and friends live longer and stay healthier. Loneliness, on the other hand, is literally toxic. Dr. Waldinger points out that social isolation is as dangerous to your health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. This constant state of low-level stress drives up chronic inflammation and weakens the immune system. We were designed for community, and science is now proving what faith has always taught: we were not meant to be alone.
2. Connection is Your Brain's Best Protection
Want to stay sharp into your 80s and 90s? Invest in your family today. The Harvard Study researchers found that being in a securely attached relationship—knowing you can reliably count on your spouse or family in times of need—actually protects your brain. The researchers discovered that the people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. When you feel this emotional security and have a 'safe haven,' your brain can focus on living and learning, which keeps your memory sharper for much longer.
3. Family Is the Ultimate "Stress Buffer"
Life is inherently messy. Whether it’s a career shift, a health scare, or just the "everyday drudgery" I often write about, stress is inevitable. However, family connection acts as a powerful shock absorber. The science is in co-regulation: when you have a connected family, your body returns to its "baseline" faster because your loved ones literally help lower your cortisol levels. Connection doesn’t make the problems go away, but it changes how quickly your body and mind recover from them. A simple supportive word can literally deliver the "peace that surpasses understanding."
4. It Requires "Social Fitness"
One of my favorite concepts from The Good Life is Social Fitness. Much like physical fitness, you don't just "get" a good relationship and have it forever. You have to work the muscle. The study found that the happiest people were those who actively leaned into relationships—they scheduled the call, they sent the text, they made the effort. This effort is the "relational exercise" that builds the muscle.
These exercises include:
The Presence Pivot: Giving instant emotional safety for your child by offering 60 seconds of undivided attention.
The Consistent Check-in: Fostering a sense of belonging for those far away with a regular, non-agenda-based contact.
Active Listening: Building deeper trust and lowered defensiveness by truly hearing your loved ones.
Connection is important because it forces us to step out of our own needs and practice the self-sacrificial love that our faith calls us to.
5. It Is the Foundation of Your Legacy of Joy
At the end of the Harvard Study, when participants reached their final years, none of them looked back and wished they’d worked more or made more money. They looked back at their relationships and wished they had spent more time with the people they loved. In my book, An I Love You Book for People About to Take on the World, I talk about equipping our loved ones with a sense of "home" they can carry anywhere. When we prioritize family connection, we aren't just making it through Tuesday; we are building a spiritual and emotional legacy that will outlive us and is the primary "mission field" God gave us.
The "Good Life" Challenge
Don’t wait for a milestone or a vacation to connect. Based on the "Presence Pivot" concept, try this today:
Square your shoulders. When a family member enters the room, stop what you’re doing, turn your body fully toward them, and give them 60 seconds of your undivided attention.
The science says it’ll make you live longer. I say it’s the best part of being a family.
Reference: Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study on Happiness. Simon & Schuster.