Why Being "Botherable" is the Highest Form of Love
If you’re like me, you’re obsessed with productivity. You have the deadlines, the to-do list, and the laser-focus needed to "move the needle" in your professional life. And if you’re really like me, you’ve learned that the single biggest perceived "threat" to that productivity is often the people you love the most.
It’s the phone call from your kid right when you finally found your writing flow. It’s the unexpected FaceTime request from a sibling while you’re staring at a complex data set. It’s the, "Hey, do you have a sec?" that we all know is never just a second.
It is dangerously easy to view these moments as annoyances—little roadblocks standing between you and your goals. But in the final installment of The Connection Experiment, I am flipping the script to tackle the heart of the matter: Availability.
I talk about why being 'botherable' is not a luxury, but a legacy, and how to finish this 30-day journey by building a connection that actually lasts. Watch Episode 4: The Art of the Interruption
We have been conditioned to believe that a "successful" day is one where we get things done. This is The Productivity Trap, and when we fall into it, we sometimes treat our family like a task to be managed—or a disruption to be "handled."
This unintentionally sends a message you may not want to send: you are an obstacle to my real work.
But if our primary mission as people of faith and family is connection, then the interruption is the work.
As a history buff, I'm inspired by the resilient women of the past. They didn't have the luxury of a "quiet, sterile office." They worked in the middle of kitchens, crises, and children. They didn't have "do not disturb" modes on their lives. They understood that being available was a core part of their vocation. If we want our kids and loved ones to come to us with the big stuff later, we have to let them 'bother' us with the small stuff now.
The Science and the Theology of Presence
The research here is clear and beautiful. The Gottman Institute talks about "Bids for Connection." A bid is any small attempt—a text, a sigh, a "hey look at this"—to get your attention. Their research shows that the healthiest relationships aren't about the most expensive vacations; they are the ones where people consistently "turn toward" these bids.
When someone interrupts your flow and you look up from your screen, you are telling them, 'You are more important than this email.' It literally lowers their stress hormones and strengthens the neural pathways of trust.
Theologically, Jesus modeled this as Radical Presence. Jesus was a man on a mission—the ultimate "productive" life—and yet He was also the most interrupted person in history! He showed us that God is often found in the person who is "inconveniently" reaching out to us.
The Final Challenge: The "Yes, and..." Week
This brings us to our final Connection Experiment: The 'Yes, and...' Week.
For the next seven days, I want you to make "Yes" your default response to any family "bid."
If the phone rings while you're in the middle of something, answer it (even if just for 60 seconds).
If your spouse or child shows you a meme or a video, put your phone down and actually look at it.
But here is the secret, the magic word that transforms the moment: follow it up with an "and."
"Yes, I'm glad you called, and I’m so glad you checked in on me."
"Yes, I'll watch that silly video, and I'm so glad you showed me that."
That simple "and" is the invitation. It turns an interruption into a connection point and tells the other person that being 'botherable' for them is the highlight of your day.
Connection isn't a project you "finish" and check off a list. It's a garden that requires constant, messy, and sometimes "un-productive" tending. Your legacy isn't your 'output.' It’s the strength of the bridge you’ve built to the people who matter most.
I want to hear from you! Over these four weeks of the Connection Experiment, which was the biggest game-changer? Which habit are you going to keep? Tell me in the comments—I love being 'interrupted' by your stories!