The Tribes We Choose (And the Ones We Don't)

There is a strange gravity to travel. We pack our bags, we cross time zones, and we expect to be changed by the landscapes we see. But rarely do we talk about the internal shift, the way a single encounter can dismantle the categories we didn’t even know we’d built in our minds.

We are, by nature, wired for connection. We crave community, shared language, and the safety of the familiar. We find our people—our tribes—and we build our lives around them. It’s a beautiful, necessary part of the human experience. But there is a dangerous side to this: when we identify so strongly with our own "tribe," we can naturally start to create an "other."

Without realizing it, we may start to draw lines between who belongs and who doesn’t. And often, we just assume that to respect someone, we must first understand them. Or worse, that we must agree with them before we can offer them dignity.

My recent trip to Tanzania challenged this entire framework.

While visiting a traditional Maasai village, I found myself in a world so radically different from my own that I felt completely out of my depth. I realized in those quiet moments on the dirt path that I had been carrying a subtle, unspoken condition in my heart: I will respect you, provided I understand you.

But the breakthrough came when I stopped trying to process, evaluate, or categorize. I realized that my “agreement” was never the price of admission for another person’s dignity.

Loving our neighbor is not about mirroring their lifestyle or validating every choice they make; it’s about recognizing the fingerprint of the Divine on a life that looks nothing like our own. It is a posture of the heart, not a contract of agreement.

If you are feeling that tension today – if you find your heart hardening toward a group, a political side, or a person you just don’t "get" – don't feel the pressure to force immediate understanding. You don't have to like it, and you don't have to agree with it to offer them respect.

Instead, I’ve been practicing a simple, radical prayer when I feel the distance growing between me and someone else: "God, expand my heart to see them as You see them."

Let Him handle the gap. Your only job is to offer the dignity that is their birthright as a human being, a child of God.

Have you ever had a moment where stepping outside your usual environment forced your heart to grow? I’d love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments below!