More Than Just a Party: The Love Language of Time and Effort
My mom was an amazing woman– smart, resilient, and with a genuine love for dessert. One of the hallmarks of our pretty idyllic childhood was her dedication to celebrating everything. No major holiday arrived without the house transforming into a festive haven, often adorned with her hand-painted ceramic pieces, tablecloths lovingly embroidered by my grandmother or aunt in just the right seasonal hues, or those perfect sale finds from Mom's favorite store, JCPenney.
And the food! Celebrations were synonymous with feasts, hours spent in the kitchen, often with us kids eagerly (or not so eagerly) lending a hand. Birthdays held the same magic, swapping the holiday decor for the anticipation of your chosen cake – a wish Mom always brought to life. Presents were a given, and a special date and time were set so everyone could gather to celebrate. Being the youngest of five, even our immediate family gatherings felt like great parties.
We always knew deep down in our bones that we were loved.
As we grew, these traditions continued and evolved. Birthday parties expanded to include in-laws and grandchildren, often combining some together because there were so many to celebrate. Christmas at Meme and Papa’s is a treasured memory for every family member, the living room floor disappearing under a mountain of thoughtfully chosen gifts. And if you couldn’t be there, a package would arrive at your door.
Celebrations were an expression of abundance and, above all, love.
These are the memories we often revisit when we're together now, each of us holding onto particular moments. One nephew found out when he was quite young he couldn’t have gluten, and he remembers how Meme always made sure to have a gluten free dessert for him so he didn’t feel left out, even though she didn’t know how to make it herself.
My husband and I have consciously tried to weave similar threads of tradition and memory-making into our own family life. We try to offer our young adult children reasons to come home (the strategic promise of a grocery run definitely helps!). The feasting and gift-giving continue, though the decor is more often purchased than lovingly handcrafted.
While I dream of being better at creating those special sparks in the everyday moments, the truth is, we often rely on holidays, birthdays or a special occasion to remind us to pause, take the time, and make the deliberate effort to craft a moment, an experience.
Ultimately, these celebrations underscore a fundamental truth: the vital importance of spending time together. I once heard someone say that, to a child, love is spelled T. I. M. E. I believe this resonates with most people, regardless of age, though our demands for that time might become a little less tyrannical as we mature. Personally, carving out that dedicated family time is a challenge – there’s always a seemingly endless list of tasks and people needing my attention. I often need a conscious reminder to stop and truly focus on my family.
Graduation time is another opportunity to celebrate. We certainly will in our family, with two graduations this month!
As we gear up for these upcoming graduations, I'm reminded again of Mom's legacy – the intentionality of creating moments, big and small, where love shines through. It wasn't just about the perfectly painted ceramic or the overflowing table; it was about the time and effort poured into making each of us feel seen and cherished. So, as we celebrate these new milestones, let's also remember the power of presence, the simple act of showing up and investing our time. After all, in the grand tapestry of family, those shared moments are the threads that truly bind us together, long after the decorations are put away.
So, to all the parents and families navigating graduations and other milestones, take a page from my mom's book. Embrace the celebrations, big or small. Make the effort to be present, to share a meal, to simply be together. Because in the end, it's not the extravagance of the event that our loved ones will remember, but the feeling of being valued and loved through your time and attention. And who knows? Maybe in the midst of the celebrating, we can all find a little more inspiration to weave those special moments into the everyday fabric of our lives.
