A Guide to a Perfectly Imperfect Thanksgiving

News flash - Thanksgiving is next week! That means the holiday season is just around the corner - a time of lights, food, parties, and for some, challenging conversations, difficult people and nostalgia for times past. Such a beautiful time of year often sparks strong emotions, in  every sense. So, in addition to creating the perfect menu, thawing the turkey, and tidying the house, what else can you be doing to get ready? I believe some of the most important prep work starts with what’s going on inside us.

How to get your heart ready for the holidays

First of all, where will you be for Thanksgiving? Will you be going home, do you have the home others come to, or will it be Chinese takeout and a movie? Those are all good options if your heart is in it. Sometimes the peace and quiet of time spent alone is just what you need, while other times you just can’t wait to be with friends and family. No matter where you’ll be next Thursday, it is important to give yourself some time to prepare for it. I’m not talking about shopping lists or house cleaning, I mean preparing on the inside. For example, maybe it’s a good idea to have a plan for when Cousin Bill turns the conversation to that awkward topic only he enjoys. Maybe you need to make sure your favorite restaurant is open on Thanksgiving. Perhaps you need to establish a signal with your significant other so that you can escape for a few minutes if you begin to feel overwhelmed. Think about what helps you stay calm and in the moment, and make time to do that. 

One way I like to prepare is to plan certain aspects of the holiday in great detail, like the menu, but I’m not worried about who sits where. My husband, on the other hand, needs to plan the seating to make sure everyone has a comfortable spot. The result? We prepare both the menu and the seating in detail, and this allows both of us to breathe easier when guests arrive. We’re better able to be present to those around us, rather than worry about what we’ve forgotten. 

I’m also in a stage of life where my children aren’t really children anymore (even though they’ll always be my babies). That means their needs and expectations are changing, and we get to adapt along with them. We spend time coordinating schedules and talking about what they’d like to have for the big meal, especially my kids who aren’t home much anymore. When they were younger, I set the agenda, the menu, and the vibe. Now, it's more of a collaborative effort, with their help bringing the feast to life. Embracing this new dynamic—moving from managing to collaborating—not only makes the holiday less stressful for me, but it also validates their adulthood or teenagehood and strengthens our evolving relationships. It is a wonderful shift, even if it requires a conscious effort to let go of the reins.

But what about when things don’t go the way you expected? 

Thanksgiving, and the holidays overall, can also be a difficult period. It can be a time when it’s nearly impossible not to notice the empty chair. I find I have to give myself some grace - and space - when grief creeps up, as it sometimes does this time of year especially. For many people, this season often brings a mix of joy and sadness, and it’s important to remember that it's okay to feel both simultaneously. If those waves of grief or sadness sometimes hit you like they do me, allow yourself to feel them without judgment—maybe step away for a few minutes, take a walk, or simply find a quiet corner. Remember that the holiday, while important, doesn't have to be perfect, nor does it erase the reality of what or who you miss. Giving yourself permission to mourn while celebrating is part of navigating the emotional complexity of the season.

 Most importantly, let’s all try to let go of needing things to go a certain way. They usually don’t anyway, and that's ok. But being stuck on what could or should be, or what was, will take our focus away from what is. And the present moment - that's where the joy is. Releasing the need for perfection means redefining success. Instead of measuring the day by how flawlessly the meal was executed or how perfectly everyone behaved, try measuring it by the moments of genuine connection, a shared laugh, or a quiet moment of gratitude. Afterall, sometimes the biggest messes make the best stories. If the turkey is dry, or the dog eats a roll, or Uncle Joe spills his drink, lean into the chaos. Laugh about it later, or even now. That moment of shared, imperfect reality is often far more bonding and memorable than any picture-perfect arrangement could ever be.

Remember that the spirit of Thanksgiving is fundamentally about connection and gratitude, not flawless execution. As you finalize your preparations—both on the stove and in your soul—aim for presence over perfection. Embrace the beautiful messiness of family and friends, the comfort of tradition, and the simple joy of the present moment. By giving yourself grace and focusing on what truly matters, you set the stage for a holiday that is truly rich, meaningful, and nourishing in every sense of the word.